John Buddie’s, Breeder Wisdom posts on Facebook are a highlight of my day. John is a generous and caring mentor because of his intuitive way of asking questions instead of presenting information. Whether the post consists of pictures of impactful dogs of the past or a discussion about enhancement, his respectful way of asking the question encourages thoughtful opinions. In a recent post, John shared a letter from one of his mentors and talked about how his perception of the same written words had changed over the years. The discussion that followed revealed that many of us have had discouraging and limited mentor relationships that seem to leave both sides dissatisfied or worse. Thinking about that conversation lead me to research information on mentoring in different situations; adult and at risk child, business leaders and younger cohorts, women in business and life coach relationships. The differing scenarios have distinct attributes and concerns, but there were pieces of each that are useful to our purposes as dog breeders and fanciers.
“The goal of mentoring is to inspire.” – Dr. Robert Nishikawa
We live in a world where many people no longer value what we do and what we believe in. There is nothing more important for us to accomplish as mentors than to inspire those whose lives we touch. Many ancient breeds of dogs are hanging on to their very existence by a thread. Other breeds, although large in numbers, have become so homozygous that their effective population size is below the 100 animals considered to make up a sustainable population. Technology is progressing rapidly and the breeding practices we used successfully in years past are being replaced as new information becomes available. In the midst of this changing environment, which can be quite discouraging and confusing for us old-timers, our most valuable resource are the enthusiastic new breeders and fanciers joining our ranks. A successful mentoring relationship is a two way street. When we inspire and encourage other breeders to embrace our mutual challenges in a positive way, we benefit from their perspective as well. We need new people to step up and prepare to take over the care and keeping of our breeds and sport. That cannot be accomplished by a rote dissemination of rules, like standards on the chalkboard in school, but by imbuing them with the passion that caused us to invest our lives in the pursuit of excellent dogs.
When I began reading the published literature on mentoring, one thing that struck me immediately as pertinent is the difference between business mentor relationships and those designed as for adult/child relationships. In business-related mentoring, both mentor and mentee are admonished to keep the relationship professional with one article in Forbes magazine advising “…be aware that mentors are usually in a business position that can hurt you as well as help you, so don’t waste their time or antagonize them.” Alternatively, lack of bonding is generally accepted as a common reason for failure of an adult/at-risk child relationship. Selectively bringing together pairs with shared identity traits and interests creates more stable pairs. It is possible that this distinction could lead us toward a common failure of mentor relationships in dog. In a business setting, the senior advisor of the pair does not have a personal investment in whether or not the other adult follows their advice or practices their recommended techniques. In other words, the emotional investment is relatively low. In stark contrast, the adult/child mentor relationship is predicated and depends on the adult being significantly invested in the child’s well-being and continued success. Lack of bonding (primarily on the part of the adult) is considered to be a significant factor in failed mentor relationships. Somewhere in the middle of these two scenarios are the life-coach relationship and a support group model. In these two forms of primarily adult/adult relationships, either party is free to leave the relationship without either person suffering significant emotional damage.
Setting aside the adult/child scenario for the moment, there are commonalities to the other relationships that deserve our attention. The first one is that they are goal oriented. In the business model, the goals are often defined by the mentee and are fairly specific. In fact, budding entrepreneurs are encouraged to have multiple mentors based on their various goals. On the other side of the spectrum, the leader of a support group is tasked with, among other things, helping members to define and prioritize their goals. This is an aspect of the breeder mentor construct that deserves our attention because it is a place where differing expectations often compromise the long-term quality of the relationship. It’s a two sided coin. People wanting to learn specific skills (how to show groom a dog) or acquire particular types of information (health concerns in a pedigree) need to be clear about their goal. As mentors, we need to be respectful of the boundaries of the request, and if necessary, clarify the direction of conversation as necessary. On the flip side, if we sell a puppy or approach a newbie at a show with an offer to mentor, we must constantly remind ourselves to allow them to guide the direction of the conversation so that it reflects their needs, wants and concerns. Understanding that everyone has a different perspective and being respectful is key to a positive relationship.
A common cause of failure in dog-related mentorships occurs when we view the relationship more like a parent/child relationship. And many times, they start that way, because of the inexperienced nature of the person being mentored, but like children, they grow and develop their own opinions. They want to try things a different way
“This first session is about three things. #1 Laying the ground-work, group “rules” for how we handle conversations and confidential information shared with the group and a brief outline of what to expect…” Betsy Hartley, Novo Veritas
The above quote is taken from the first session of a support group, and it highlights the importance of mutual agreement on the rules of engagement. Any close relationship that is likely to involve discussions of personal successes, fears and failures needs to have mutually agreed upon ground rules. The very top of the list is confidentiality and discretion. Obviously, the sharing of information is part and parcel of mentoring in the dog world. Sadly, there are a number of bullies in the dog game that employ a variety of tactics to silence others with “negative” information. Sometimes, the specifics of that information is not really important and all that really needs to be relayed is that an individual is not trustworthy. Other times, it is not so simple. In the process of assessing pedigrees for information about dogs a few generations back, the details can be important to a well-planned breeding decision. Likewise, the use of old frozen semen can sometimes raise concerns that were documented when the stud dog was alive, but have since fallen off the radar as newer fanciers were not exposed to the realities of those problems. In either case, confidentiality as appropriate, and discretion are important considerations in the relaying of information.
Respectful listening is vital to a positive mentoring relationship. In adult-adult relationships, we know that people stay in a relationship that they value. What is it that we get out of our chosen relationships that keeps us engaged? In the dog world, we are blessed with a shared passion for the dogs. We have a foundation for communication with others in the history and customs of our shared sport. But our closest friends are the ones who listen to and share in our joys and our sorrows. These confidants listen to every agonizing detail and their responses reflect their careful listening and thoughtful feedback. If we are to have long-term relationships with our mentors and mentees, we need to mimic that sort of respectful listening. It is a cornerstone of success.
Hand in hand with respectful listening is the concept of shared leadership. In any mentorship between two or more adults, there is no question that each individual will bring strengths and weaknesses to the table. In dogs, those relationships might be effectively equal (one exhibitor being the better breeder and another, a top notch obedience trainer), or they may be unequal with one person being the “senior” and the other a “junior” partner. Even in the case of unequal status, honest sharing and acknowledgement of the strengths that each party brings to the table will enhance the relationship and create tangible rewards for all. It was said by a CEO of a major corporation that his personal continuing education involved hiring a young person straight out of their MBA program each year and having them review various business decisions and offer suggestions. A fresh perspective is only useful if our minds are open to trying something new.
Regardless of the age of the participants, excellent mentoring experiences can yield life-long passions and treasured friendships. The following is a story that my mother, Maga, shared with me about one of her earliest memories of being mentored. “Dugan was my first calf. He was named Dugan because he came from Aberdeen Angus Ranch that the Dugan Brothers owned. They were the only ones in the territory breeding purebred Aberdeen Angus and their pedigrees could be traced back to Scotland.”
“So I got Dugan when he was ten days old and bottle fed him. My brother’s went out to the Dugan Ranch and bought him for me for my first 4-H calf. They paid $100 for him.” She continued, “My Dad agreed to provide his feed and whatever money I sold him for at the fair auction was to go into an account to pay for my college.”
“The thing I remember about the fair with Dugan was how proud the Dugan Brothers were of me and that little calf. He was only six months old and was tinier than the earlier-born calves, but he was beautiful. Before the rodeo began, the Dugan Brothers had a parade of their top stock in the arena filled with people. I thought their bull was the more gorgeous thing ever. I thought he could have won at the Chicago International show or in Kansas City or the Texas State Fair. They ask me to be in the parade with them, so Dugan and I followed all the breeding stock around the arena. When I came into the arena, the crowd started laughing. My feelings were hurt because I thought they were laughing at Dugan, but then I found out they were laughing because they couldn’t see me because small as he was, Dugan was still taller than me…, so it looked like this young steer was just following his daddy around the arena! Afterwards, Sam Dugan took me aside and said, “You are really good at this. You should find yourself a nice stockman for a husband and grow up and raise cattle.”” (That was a heck of thing to say to a ten year old girl.) Maga went on to say that the Dugan Brothers were more excited about her blue ribbon that she was. When she got Dugan back to barn after the show, she tied his blue ribbon on his halter and he ate it! One the Dugan Brothers went to the superintendent’s office with her to get a replacement.
Maga ended her story by telling me, “That was really my earliest memory of being mentored. I was so young and Dugan was so small, but they were really excited for us.” Maga went on to become a Hall of Fame 4-Her in the State of Oklahoma and the first girl on the Oklahoma State Meat Judging Team. We still benefit from her accomplishments when we find nice Porterhouse steaks at the market labeled as T Bones.
When we have done our best to share our knowledge and passion with those younger or newer than ourselves, then we become, not just a teacher of information, but the builder of a chain that inspires multiple generations to enjoy the benefits of purebred dogs in our society, just as my Mother has retained a life-long passion for Angus beef, the 4-H program and the benefits of healthy competition. We can all endeavor to be a part of encouraging and inspiring a passion for purebred dogs. The sport has given us such great friendships and memories. It is our turn to pay it forward and inspire the next generation.
© Peri Norman 2017